Much better today.

Today was definitely better.
Still no exercise, but much better food choices.
8am Home-made bacon and egg sandwich for brekky.
Then "work" at the pool ;)
11am snack: Picnic peanut bar... not really a good choice, but it could have been another Hungry Jacks incident, so I'm not going to feel too guilty over this...
1:30pm Subway swch (6") & 2 handfuls of potato chips for lunch.
On the road all afternoon.
6:30pm Chicken quesadillas (home-made) and garden salad for dinner.
3 beers with dinner.
Going to bed.
Tomorrow: Stradbroke Island!

Tuesday's Shame

Here's my first "Honesty Blog Post".

Today, I didn't eat breakfast.
Then I had...
*Deep Breath*
{I do NOT want to admit this,
 but I have to be honest with myself, and out loud if I want to move on}
Then, for lunch, I went to Hungry Jacks (that's Burger King guys).
I had a Whopper Meal, with medium "chips" (fries) and a Diet Coke.
LOL Diet?.... Freakin' Hell...

Then I went home, and finished off a bag of corn chips from yesterday.
30 minutes later I ate the rest of a white chocolate bar my mom bought me (thanks mom).
Now I'm now on my 3rd beer.

This week (right now) my kids are spending 3 nights with my mother and mother-in-law....
So my husband and I are going out to the movies tonight.
So I was just getting ready.
And I'm wearing my glasses, instead of my contacts,
So I hate my face.
And my hair is pretty crap, as I'm in chlorinated water 6days/week.
And the last haircut was over 6 months ago.
And my pants don't fit.
I'm trying to sort out a long enough shirt so I can wear my jeans undone, covered with a big-ass (literally) belt.
I should be... I'd be comfortable a size 16-18.
I weigh 184 lbs.
I did absolutely NO exercise today.
Or yesterday.
Or last week...
HELL... I cannot remember the last formal bit of work-out I've done this year!
Probably June... perhaps May... April?

How's that for honest.

Honesty

I can no longer be okay with re-starting this weight-loss journey every single morning.

Each day I resolve to "Be Good".
And that's perfectly good, up until lunch.
Then it's over.
Binge-city.

And, did you notice?
(I noticed.)
All of my blog posts are in the morning.
"Today, is a new day...."
"Here's the plan for this week...."
"I have a new plan and it's going to work..."

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Today I'll start again...
But I'm not going to write about what I will do (later)...
What I'm gonna do today...
In an hour...
In a week....
Later on....
Someday....

Instead, I have to be honest!
Honesty... the only way out.

My Turning Point

This morning, I've found my last chance.
Still rising on the scale, I saw photo's of myself this weekend.
I recognise that face - from 1999.
That was when I weighed 185lbs.
The same as I weigh today.
I have looked back on pictures from 1999, and I've said repeatedly to myself,
How could I have let myself get that big?
And now, here I am.
I've let go,
and here I am.

This morning I have to work,
but I had an extra hour.
I had a sinfully yummy dessert in the fridge from the weekend.
"Old" (aka. current) thinking told me "I'll just have some of that for breakfast, even though it's not a breakfast food, that's what I want. Yum!"
I fought that awful thought with all my might.
I eventually had victory.
I ate 2 slices of plain toast (no butter ;)
1 1/2 eggs (1 whole, + egg white)
1/3 cup baked beans (an Aussie breakfast - took 5 years, but I'm used to it now)
Seasoned with chives and tobasco sauce ;)
295 Calories.

I don't care how hard it is, I will fight with all my might for a clean week.
Even if I find myself in a situation where we're at a restaurant,
I'll first, make good choices.
Second, I'll stop eating, NOT when I'm full, but when I'm no longer hungry.
I'll slowly chew my food, and drink lots of water.
I'm confident that this is my turning point.

Only Then

So you're manipulating me?

STOP telling me what to do!

God knows me.

Only HE knows the way of My life.

I will do what HE tells me, and then
- ONLY THEN -
will I be happy.

I love Jesus.

Goals for this week

I want to cry.
My pant's don't fit.
:(
Poor me.

Whatever.
I've been teaching kids to swim now for a couple weeks.
And I LOVE IT!

But I did have to get a couple new swim-suits.
Size... gulp.... 16! They're a bit loose, but 14's would have been uncomfortable.
Crap.

Today I (finally) ate sensibly, and felt great!
Not hungry either.
But tomorrow is another day.

Goals for this week:
Lose 2 lbs
Exercise 4 times
Eat carrots and 1 apple daily (sounds funny, but it works for me! It makes me feel healthy.)
Lean protein at each meal - not religiously, but at least think about it, and try my best.

That's it.

Baby steps.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!

You know how I mentioned that I couldn't stop smiling while I was getting certified for Learn-to-Swim teaching?

Yesterday was even better!!!

It was so good that I'm up and awake at 5am just busting to write this post!

So, Sunday night after Swim-Teach course was finished, I got busy.
Resume... Check!
Gumtree job-search... Check!
Seek.com... Check!
8 Emails sent for jobs... Check!

Okay. Now we wait...

Called Jo, my boss at NFSS School Swim.
Got my schedule sorted for that job.
Here's my After-school schedule starting Term 4:
Monday - teach kids Gardening Course.
T, W, Th - After-school swim teaching 3-5
Friday - girls dance class across town.
Check.
So that's 6 hours of work.
Now I need a day-time job!
But not, like ALL day! When would I clean?
Heaven forbid I have to hire help!
BAHAHAHAHA.... Now THAT would be a dream come true!

I digress...

SO, 1pm. Phone call!
Missed it! DANG IT! What if it's a job?
Wait for it... yup. They've left a message.
Check Messages.
WHAT? There's 3? WHY PHONE WHY?
Why won't you give me messages until week(s) later?
Oh, okay, they're all old messages. Of course.
Except the last one!
YUP. It was a job :( Crap!
Call back.

The phone call was HILARIOUS!
And LUCKY!!!

Sandra is super nice!
It's a pre-school swim school. Babies to 5yo.
Year-round, Indoor, HEATED pool!
YES YES YES YES YES!
And they're hiring for a 9am to Noon shift!!!!
YES!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!
Wait... if I work for them, I'm not allowed to work anywhere else.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
But my other job is 5-12yo... after-school swim program, not learn-to-swim...
Oh... let me ask the owner if that's okay.
..........................










Yup. No problem!
YES YES YES YES YES!
Then they can provide my training hours too!!! YES!
Can you come in tomorrow for a trial swim? YES!
She asks me to come in from 5-9.
Wait... 5am!?!?!?????
WHAT?
I clarified "5AM?"
She laughed. No, like 5 to 9... 8:55!
Bahahaha.... we both had a good laugh.
Then she explained that they have uniform T-shirts, and they have an extra one I can borrow tomorrow.
She says, "Under the T-shirst some of the girls wear board shorts, some of them wear nothing..."
WHAT? NOTHING?
We both start laughing again!
"That is NOT what I meant" she says. "I meant like swimsuits, no shorts!"
"Not Nothing"
BAHAHAHAHAHA.....
It's ALWAYS good when you are laughing straight through an interview phone call!!!

STOKED!!!!

Oh yeah! AND 10yr old and I got up at 6:45 yesterday (which seemed super early, HA)
and went on our very first jog of the season!
Mostly walking, but we did jog a bit on the down hills ;)
Running again. Very happy :)
Running and swimming. Love my life :)

Okay... lot's to do.
Have a good one!
I know I'll have a good day at my first. new. job. in over 5 years!!!!

Key: Love your Life!

I've really found my groove.
And even though nothing has really changed, I have will power!

Dear Will Power:
Where did you come from?
Where were you all this time?
PS. You're late!

The only thing I can figure is that I have finally started to love my life again!
I've been in limbo, with no real direction for so long,
and now, Life is Beginning!

First, I've started piano lessons!
For myself!
(I must clarify this to everyone I say this too, because they automatically assume that I've enrolled my children. Nope. I'm the one in lessons!)
I played piano from the age of 5 until about 13.
Then I gave up in lieu of guitar.
Of course, I wanted to be "That cool guitar chick".
I still play. Both.
But my piano is terribly rusty. (Oh, okay, so is my guitar playing.)
But now, I'm in LOVE!
Piano is awesome.

Second, I'm getting accredited to teach swimming lessons!
I spent all day at Goodna Aquatic Centre with Brad the instructor and 11 other soon-to-be swim teachers.
Back again tomorrow.
Two and a half hours in the pool today.
Talk about wrinkly hands and dry skin! *Note to self: invest in really good skin lotion!*
I couldn't stop smiling all day, and still can't stop!
I LOVE my life!
While other people are going back to work, study, or being a house wife,
I will be spending my days in the pool!
Such is the Brisbane lifestyle :)

Consequently, I'm eager to get fit!
I easily....
AHEM... not-so-easily
resisted the urge for fast food on the way home.
Then I resisted the urge for an unnecessary snack.
And even though I was starving come dinner time, I ate slowly and sensibly!
And stopped when I should.

I impress myself :)

Third, it's Spring!
I have been happily attending to my garden.
This is the year I change my gardening priorities.
Instead of 85% veg, 15% flowers,
This year it's 50/50.
Because while growing and eating veg brings nutrition and excitement,
my flowers bring me unmeasurable joy!

And lastly, I've found a new jogging partner!
My 10-year old son.
We did a 5km fun-run last year - a year ago tomorrow.
The annual Bridge to Brisbane is here, and I never even thought about it :(
I asked my son if he wants to start training for another 5k...
He's excited!

As of Monday we have a beginners schedule:

Monday morning.
Wednesday evening.
Saturday morning.

3 days, a simple-to-stick-to plan.
No excuses.

I am officially fighting for my health.