My old videos are helpful! Who knew?

I got a little stuck on YouTube this morning...
Which, I guess, is okay considering I have Doctor's orders to rest for a couple days.
(I had a minor procedure done, but there was a complication, means risk of infection.
So I'm taking it easy (not that I mind :)
But back to YouTube...
After a bit of wasting time,
I thought to look back into my own video's I uploaded over the last couple years.
Wow, that was not a waste of time.
It makes me glad I made the vid's in the first place!
In fact, I think it's important, for my own well-being, that I continue!
I'll be uploading a new one this week.
I find it so helpful to see where I've been, to clear the way for where I'm headed.
For example: I forgot about diet's I had tried, and had success on!
I was in the middle of a good diet that worked for me, when I switched to Michelle Bridges 12wbt, which was the beginning of the end.
Her plan works for some people, I know, but for me, it was unrealistic.
It messed up my values, my focus, and messed up my confidence.

But today, after listening to my old videos, I think I know what I need to do now.

What works for me:
Gym. As long as I can be consistent.
If I find it's not possible to go to they gym, Plan B is a DVD.
This works for me!
It helps with my depression.
It creates energy.
It motivates me to eat more healthy -  and in fact:
I am less hungry when I work out!
What works for me:
Calorie Counting. As long as I can be consistent.
I don't like calorie counting, but it works!
Plus it is easier with MyFitnessPal ap on my Iphone.
What works for me:
Smoothies & Tea
If I have a chocolate or vanilla protein smoothie, or a Chai tea, this always curbs my cravings for dessert.
I can watch my children eating ice cream and chocolate, but I can resist the temptation because I know I can wait for my healthy but delicious alternative.
It works!
What works for me:
Fast-5 IF.
Watching my old videos, I realise that Michelle Bridges doesn't work for me.
As most (if not all) major diet plans, it teaches you to eat small meals, eat all day long.
But common sense says that eating all day long makes you think about food all day long.
I love food.
I fantasize about food.
Eating all day long means I'll fantasize all day,
planning for my next meal, every 2-3 hours.
So I need to have boundaries set so I can stop and think about what I'm doing.

With that said, here's my diet plan - which I "stole" from my September 2011 self.

First of all, in everything, pray and ask God for help.
He's in control and I trust Him to guide me well.

Sunday - Thursday I will follow a Fast-5 window, eating only from 1-6pm.
That's two meals, lunch and dinner.
My goal on these days will be to net 12-1300 calories.
Net Calories means if I exercise 300 calories off, I can eat 15-1600.

Friday & Saturday - my "trouble" days - I'll only calorie count, 1700 net max.

Simple. Starting today.

Pressure for Young Women to be Thin

So, I had my first Gym session this morning.
5:45 Pump. So happy I went.
But as I looked around at the crowd, I felt sad.
Remembering back to 12+ months ago, the last time I went to the gym,
I remember a crowd of
young people,
older people,
some in their 70's!
thin people,
curvy people,
heavier people,
very heavy people,
guys,
girls,
all sorts,
all ages!
Diversity.
This morning, all I saw was healthy, thin, young women.
I was happy to think they were all there because they wanted a stronger body...
but I couldn't help but think of the possibility that all these girls feel deep pressure to stay thin.
There were a handful of girls with curves, they looked good.
But there were also girls, most of them, with no curves at all... stick thin.
They were all thin, or at a healthy weight, already...
Did they feel pressure to stay thin?
Does society want them thinner?
Do they think society wants them thinner?
Are they so afraid of curves that they fight them back?
I was the only person "over" 30 (I'm 30 exactly, don't need to be reminded)
and certainly the only person who has let herself get ugly fat.

I just have to find my optimism and hope that these women are just
normal beautiful girls who love to feel strong.
I hope...

Because that's what I want for me.
Strength.
And curves.
If I ever start to lose these curves - do me a favour and remind me they're beautiful :)

Back to the Gym! Hello 5:20am!

I've been planning for a few weeks to sign back on to my Gym.
I miss Pump, Balance & Yoga!
I don't miss cycle, but I know it's good for me :P

I don't want to waste my money, so I've proven this week, just to myself, that I can exercise regularly, 4 work-outs last week :)
So I signed back on today!
First class is tomorrow, 5:45 am - Body Pump :)
Alarm set at 5:20. It's ON!
I'll take the class ridiculously easy, so I can keep going back to the gym this week.
The first Pump class I took, musta been 2-3 years ago, I pushed myself...
As I always am inclined to do.
But then wasn't able to walk for 5 days, let alone continue with gym sessions.
That's not what I want.
I want to go every day. Yup.
EVERY 
DAY.

Here's my Plan A Gym schedule:

M- 12:15 Yoga (possible 6am cycle)
T- 12:15 Body Pump (considering doing 5:45am regularly.... not convinced it's such a good idea yet...)
W- 10:15 Body Balance (possible 5:45am cycle)
Th- 9:15 Body Pump
F - 6:00am Cycle or Treadmill
Sat - Outdoor running, 5km training
Sun - REST

6 days a week :)

Filling out forms at the gym, and one question asked,
"Why have you decided to become a member?"
New Year Resolution!
Duh!
And of course, Tough Mudder... HA! We'll see...
Let me get a 5k under my belt first.

Back to the gym!

Yesterday was good.
Went on a 45 min bike ride for my exercise.
Ate, oh, ya know, 2200+ calories.
Psh... whatever.
I'm a work in progress.

Today I haven't exercised...
It's bloody hot, so I'll do that after dinner.
Dangerous sentence, I know. But I'll have to commit.

I'm at 900 calories, and it's 4:30pm.
Doing much better!

OH! I also asked my old running partner if she still has a gym membership, and we figured out we can work out together a few times a week! I'll sign up for that tomorrow :)

I'm totally doing this!

How in the h*ll did I get here..and How do I get out?

Thanks for your magnificent post Chris!
And all of your blog, actually.
I'm stealing the title from your post the other day (I'm guessing you won't mind, because I don't really have many readers anyway - readers are not really the point of this blog, it's more a personal diary, but Yes, I also love encouragement sometimes... hint hint ;)

Anyway -
This post will be very different to yours Chris, because I'm meaning it literally.
I mean, it's 2013.
And I'm still at my all-time high weight of 180something.
(I'm praying the scale doesn't actually say 190something when I weigh in tomorrow!)

How the hell did I get here?

Laziness.
I have this new thing called an Iphone... which I can often get lost in.
I also have Foxtel (pay TV with DVR, like Tivo).
I've become a couch potato.
It started last winter (in Aus that's June/July) when my sister and I started the bad habit of lounging on the couch, eating whatever we craved, and watching TV.
We knew she had to move back to the US, and we just loved spending the time together!

Blah, blah blah - not important why.
No more excuses.
The cold hard truth is I've let myself be Lazy!
Every day!
Not acceptable.
I don't accept it in my children, and I cannot accept it in myself.

Down to the cold hard facts - the specific things I've made into habits...
The habits that got me to 180something...
On with the Confessions... Du Du DUUUUH! *evil music*
Yikes!
Courage.
Here I go.

• I sometimes eat breakfast, sometimes not.
• Sometimes my breakfast includes 3 fats, such as egg fried in oil, topped with 1/3 avocado and maybe even a slice of cheese! Sandwiched in 2 slices of bread. Healthy! NOT!
• I sometimes eat fast food for lunch! Hungry Jacks (Burger King) used to gross me out, like Maccas (McD's). But I've been eating it, and it's like a drug! I can't get enough! Sometimes a whopper get's into my head, and I just let myself fantasize about it. I can't stop thinking about it, no matter how much good food I can dream up to make at my house. My shift ends at 11am, so I make a detour on the way home. Tsk Tsk.
• After my fast food, I come home, and I'm still hungry - cuz there's no nutrition in fast food. So sometimes I eat asparagus, or an apple, but sometimes it's chips, chocolate, or cookies! All while catching up on an episode of Grey's Anatomy... or Once Upon a Time... or Homeland... or Revenge... Drama is my fav, if you couldn't tell. I've even been recording movies, so my afternoons are pretty much always full of lounging on the couch.

Wow... the more I confess, the more I can see that I'm not even who I thought I was! I'm nearly always thinking about being healthy, even while doing the above! So I think (or convince myself) that I'm "Not that bad".... YES! I AM!

Keep going...

• The kids come home from school, and I'm too busy doing chores (that should have been done after lunch) so I have them help me, and then homework, and dinner, and more chores or cleaning... 
• Then I'm TIRED! Again. Cuz I haven't exercised. Exercise gives me energy, but the couch potato life drains it.
• So I take a "break", tea. Finish dinner if it wasn't already, dishes may or may not get done... then back to the couch, while I digest my food with a beer or three... or five. Sometimes a few glasses of wine for dessert.
• Then Johnny watches his boring finance or sport shows, and after that, I'm free to watch my other shows I haven't seen yet.

HOW THE H*LL DID I GET HERE AND HOW DO I GET OUT?

Well, I did take a small step this evening. 

I've been on holiday two weeks, and craving a New Years Resolution.

I did a 20-min workout. 

It was hilarious! 

My 5 1/2 year old did it with me! 

The WHOLE THING!

My other two (older) kids always give up on the cardio ones after 3-4 minutes.

But the little ball of energy was totally into it!

Afterwards, I went for a shower, and she wanted more!

So I put on her favourite Yoga one. 

LOL.

Okay. Now here's the plan (thank you again Chris, for the inspiration!)

I WILL, I will lose 48 lbs this year.

That's 4 lbs a month.

One pound a week.

I CAN do this. Small steps.

Break it down:

January Goals:

• Lose 4 lbs.
• Start my exercise regime, 3-5 days/week.
• No more fast food or fatty breakfasts.
• Keep a calorie-count diary.
• Blog my work-outs and calorie intake daily.

I won't change much else this month, because I don't want to burn out. That's a lot for now.

Feb Goals:

• Lose 4 lbs.
• Start back at the Gym 3-4 days/week.
• Start training for 5km running.
• Tighten up my diet.

March

• Lose 4 lbs
• Increase my weights @ the gym.
• Register for 5km run, keep training.
• Shift diet as needed.
• Reward myself with my Tattoo and a Salon visit!

April

• Lose 4 lbs
• Increase weights & do the 5km fun-run!
• Register for a soccer team! (I've been talking about joining an amateur team for ages! This year I must!)
• Press on!!!

I'll re-evaluate my goals in March/April.

Here's to New Years Resolution!!!

Finding health... ha

After two good weeks, I spent this week in bad health.
Considering I've been teaching snotty-nosed kids to swim for 5 1/2 months now, I'm surprised it took that long to pick something up!
I only called in sick one day, so had to endure it all week.
I learned something:
Head-colds and swimming don't mix.
It's miserable!
On top of that, my shoulder has Bursitis.
It's easily fixed with an injection of Cortizon, or so my doctor said.
But after yesterday's shot, my shoulder hurts worse than it did before!
Before I could at least function, it was just a dull pain, an irritant.
Now, I have to be very careful which way I lift my arm or I get sharp pain.
I'm hoping it's just because of the needle, which will heal in a couple days.
I hope I hope I hope!

Diet.
Today I have a few hours during the day.
I'm going to plan meals for a few scenarios (day schedules) that I can foresee.
Back-up plans too.
I need to do this for real.
Tired of back-tracking after something irregular pops up.

Exercise.
Eh..... not so good. That's okay, I'm working on it :)

Waking up from Winter Hibernation

I have been very quiet on blogger,
very active in life.
After gaining over 15 lbs this winter (by being a couch potato with my sister, don't regret a moment!)
I've now decided to start making the most of this life.

I now teach swimming at three different pools,
about 16 hours a week, broken up into 7 shifts, 6 days a week.

I am also on 3 different volunteer committees at the kids primary school.
1. Playground (we're building a new one)
2. Library (we're upgrading the old one)
3. Garden (there's 4-7 major projects coming up in the next two years).

And last, but certainly not least, I'm losing weight!
Actually quite funny, I'm following in Annie, the Amazing Shrinking Girls' footsteps, and building muscle!
My old Bootcamp trainer, Brad, has earned his official "MP Trainer" certificate.
It's all about building muscle so your metabolism burns energy.
It also includes eating 6 meals a day, each meal including a balance of carbs, protein & omega-3 fats.
Which type of carb (there's a list) depends on when you work-out, and what type of work-out you preform.
Pretty much, I'm cutting out breads and high-GI carbs for every meal unless it's 3 hours after a Resistence Training (weight-lifting) session.

So far (1 week) I've lost 3 lbs!
Silly me was pretty disappointed about day 4 with what felt like no results.
Today I'm feeling it in my slightly-looser clothes! YAY!

So there it is. My busy life in a nutshell.
I'll check in at least weekly and let you know how I'm going.
In the mean time, if you want to find a MP trainer in your area click here.
It's working for me :)

Dear diary

Dear diary:

Just spent the last couple of hours "In the zone".
At first, I was determined to set up one thing: A work-out appointment schedule with myself.
Check.
But I have this niggly feeling that there's more...
So I've done it...
Fasting here I come.
To God be The Glory.

PS. Just realised that big fat Tuesdays are popular with posting lately! Thinking about keeping it that way... Weekly Tuesday posts... Hmmmm... Sounds too good to be true :)

Exercising Consistently! Go me :)

Funny.
Usually I avoid blogging when I'm not doing well with my health and exercise efforts.
This time, I've just been busy.
Busy with work, and with exercise!
I have also been very conscious about what goes into my mouth.
I've been exercising every second day.
I feel so much more fit, even though the scale won't budge.
I've started lifting weights again, in hopes that more muscle mass will increase my metabolism.
Then I won't have to count calories, or decrease my meal sizes.
Just make better food choices, and keep exercising!
Consistency is working this time, I just need to keep up the momentum.
Cheers!

Difficult Tattoo

I just finished my Week 2, Day 1 C25K!
I was born for running.
I did enjoy the gym, but to be honest, it did become a chore.
But each and every time I decide to run - I find Joy!
I can't help but smile at friendly faces, blossoming Spring trees, and the gently breeze along the Brisbane River.
I can't help but feel
Blessed.
Free.
Loved.

I've also decided that I will be successful in my weight-loss effort, if I put just as much time in my life, if not more, for God.
I refuse to make this about more "me-time".
I love Christ, and He deserves to have me-time too.
So, I've been reading my Bible nightly.
I started going to church again.
I've been giving my kids bible study & conversation time each morning.
And I've been contemplating the design of my new tattoo.
Yes, that's right - Tattoo.

"Everything is difficult before it gets easy."

This quote certainly pertains to running.
And also to this tattoo!
This tattoo is proving to be more difficult than it should be.
I've wanted another one for a very long time - 10 years in fact.
But it has to be just right, meaningful, and beautiful.
I only have one card-sized one, a flower, on my ankle.
It was pain that was difficult to bear.
But I do love it - even 11 years on, still love it.
And I figure, nothing compares to the pain Christ bore for me.
I can do this.

This tattoo will be on my back left shoulder.
Over my heart (on my back).
For a long time I had my heart set on a tree design.
A tree with deep roots.
Rooted in Christ "planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." - Psalm 1:3.

I was nervous about this tattoo idea, because it would have to be perfectly drawn - beautiful.
It would imagine that a tree would be rather difficult to make beautiful.
I'd imagine it being described more as "pokey" and "stick-like", rather than "beautiful".
 I kept thinking, and praying.

This week, I've come across a better idea.

I've always wanted this tattoo to be large, and a testimony for Christ.
How about a bible verse...
But which one?
I searched them all...
Google image search for "Bible verse tattoo"
But in the end, it was God who lead me to the right verse during a late night Bible flick.

I know that my Redeemer lives. Job 19:25

I'll find a fancy font, and add some artistic flavour with a Cross and perhaps a flower.
Or a flower-y Cross.
:)

I'll let you know!

Much better today.

Today was definitely better.
Still no exercise, but much better food choices.
8am Home-made bacon and egg sandwich for brekky.
Then "work" at the pool ;)
11am snack: Picnic peanut bar... not really a good choice, but it could have been another Hungry Jacks incident, so I'm not going to feel too guilty over this...
1:30pm Subway swch (6") & 2 handfuls of potato chips for lunch.
On the road all afternoon.
6:30pm Chicken quesadillas (home-made) and garden salad for dinner.
3 beers with dinner.
Going to bed.
Tomorrow: Stradbroke Island!

Tuesday's Shame

Here's my first "Honesty Blog Post".

Today, I didn't eat breakfast.
Then I had...
*Deep Breath*
{I do NOT want to admit this,
 but I have to be honest with myself, and out loud if I want to move on}
Then, for lunch, I went to Hungry Jacks (that's Burger King guys).
I had a Whopper Meal, with medium "chips" (fries) and a Diet Coke.
LOL Diet?.... Freakin' Hell...

Then I went home, and finished off a bag of corn chips from yesterday.
30 minutes later I ate the rest of a white chocolate bar my mom bought me (thanks mom).
Now I'm now on my 3rd beer.

This week (right now) my kids are spending 3 nights with my mother and mother-in-law....
So my husband and I are going out to the movies tonight.
So I was just getting ready.
And I'm wearing my glasses, instead of my contacts,
So I hate my face.
And my hair is pretty crap, as I'm in chlorinated water 6days/week.
And the last haircut was over 6 months ago.
And my pants don't fit.
I'm trying to sort out a long enough shirt so I can wear my jeans undone, covered with a big-ass (literally) belt.
I should be... I'd be comfortable a size 16-18.
I weigh 184 lbs.
I did absolutely NO exercise today.
Or yesterday.
Or last week...
HELL... I cannot remember the last formal bit of work-out I've done this year!
Probably June... perhaps May... April?

How's that for honest.

Honesty

I can no longer be okay with re-starting this weight-loss journey every single morning.

Each day I resolve to "Be Good".
And that's perfectly good, up until lunch.
Then it's over.
Binge-city.

And, did you notice?
(I noticed.)
All of my blog posts are in the morning.
"Today, is a new day...."
"Here's the plan for this week...."
"I have a new plan and it's going to work..."

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Today I'll start again...
But I'm not going to write about what I will do (later)...
What I'm gonna do today...
In an hour...
In a week....
Later on....
Someday....

Instead, I have to be honest!
Honesty... the only way out.

My Turning Point

This morning, I've found my last chance.
Still rising on the scale, I saw photo's of myself this weekend.
I recognise that face - from 1999.
That was when I weighed 185lbs.
The same as I weigh today.
I have looked back on pictures from 1999, and I've said repeatedly to myself,
How could I have let myself get that big?
And now, here I am.
I've let go,
and here I am.

This morning I have to work,
but I had an extra hour.
I had a sinfully yummy dessert in the fridge from the weekend.
"Old" (aka. current) thinking told me "I'll just have some of that for breakfast, even though it's not a breakfast food, that's what I want. Yum!"
I fought that awful thought with all my might.
I eventually had victory.
I ate 2 slices of plain toast (no butter ;)
1 1/2 eggs (1 whole, + egg white)
1/3 cup baked beans (an Aussie breakfast - took 5 years, but I'm used to it now)
Seasoned with chives and tobasco sauce ;)
295 Calories.

I don't care how hard it is, I will fight with all my might for a clean week.
Even if I find myself in a situation where we're at a restaurant,
I'll first, make good choices.
Second, I'll stop eating, NOT when I'm full, but when I'm no longer hungry.
I'll slowly chew my food, and drink lots of water.
I'm confident that this is my turning point.

Only Then

So you're manipulating me?

STOP telling me what to do!

God knows me.

Only HE knows the way of My life.

I will do what HE tells me, and then
- ONLY THEN -
will I be happy.

I love Jesus.

Goals for this week

I want to cry.
My pant's don't fit.
:(
Poor me.

Whatever.
I've been teaching kids to swim now for a couple weeks.
And I LOVE IT!

But I did have to get a couple new swim-suits.
Size... gulp.... 16! They're a bit loose, but 14's would have been uncomfortable.
Crap.

Today I (finally) ate sensibly, and felt great!
Not hungry either.
But tomorrow is another day.

Goals for this week:
Lose 2 lbs
Exercise 4 times
Eat carrots and 1 apple daily (sounds funny, but it works for me! It makes me feel healthy.)
Lean protein at each meal - not religiously, but at least think about it, and try my best.

That's it.

Baby steps.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!

You know how I mentioned that I couldn't stop smiling while I was getting certified for Learn-to-Swim teaching?

Yesterday was even better!!!

It was so good that I'm up and awake at 5am just busting to write this post!

So, Sunday night after Swim-Teach course was finished, I got busy.
Resume... Check!
Gumtree job-search... Check!
Seek.com... Check!
8 Emails sent for jobs... Check!

Okay. Now we wait...

Called Jo, my boss at NFSS School Swim.
Got my schedule sorted for that job.
Here's my After-school schedule starting Term 4:
Monday - teach kids Gardening Course.
T, W, Th - After-school swim teaching 3-5
Friday - girls dance class across town.
Check.
So that's 6 hours of work.
Now I need a day-time job!
But not, like ALL day! When would I clean?
Heaven forbid I have to hire help!
BAHAHAHAHA.... Now THAT would be a dream come true!

I digress...

SO, 1pm. Phone call!
Missed it! DANG IT! What if it's a job?
Wait for it... yup. They've left a message.
Check Messages.
WHAT? There's 3? WHY PHONE WHY?
Why won't you give me messages until week(s) later?
Oh, okay, they're all old messages. Of course.
Except the last one!
YUP. It was a job :( Crap!
Call back.

The phone call was HILARIOUS!
And LUCKY!!!

Sandra is super nice!
It's a pre-school swim school. Babies to 5yo.
Year-round, Indoor, HEATED pool!
YES YES YES YES YES!
And they're hiring for a 9am to Noon shift!!!!
YES!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!
Wait... if I work for them, I'm not allowed to work anywhere else.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
But my other job is 5-12yo... after-school swim program, not learn-to-swim...
Oh... let me ask the owner if that's okay.
..........................










Yup. No problem!
YES YES YES YES YES!
Then they can provide my training hours too!!! YES!
Can you come in tomorrow for a trial swim? YES!
She asks me to come in from 5-9.
Wait... 5am!?!?!?????
WHAT?
I clarified "5AM?"
She laughed. No, like 5 to 9... 8:55!
Bahahaha.... we both had a good laugh.
Then she explained that they have uniform T-shirts, and they have an extra one I can borrow tomorrow.
She says, "Under the T-shirst some of the girls wear board shorts, some of them wear nothing..."
WHAT? NOTHING?
We both start laughing again!
"That is NOT what I meant" she says. "I meant like swimsuits, no shorts!"
"Not Nothing"
BAHAHAHAHAHA.....
It's ALWAYS good when you are laughing straight through an interview phone call!!!

STOKED!!!!

Oh yeah! AND 10yr old and I got up at 6:45 yesterday (which seemed super early, HA)
and went on our very first jog of the season!
Mostly walking, but we did jog a bit on the down hills ;)
Running again. Very happy :)
Running and swimming. Love my life :)

Okay... lot's to do.
Have a good one!
I know I'll have a good day at my first. new. job. in over 5 years!!!!

Key: Love your Life!

I've really found my groove.
And even though nothing has really changed, I have will power!

Dear Will Power:
Where did you come from?
Where were you all this time?
PS. You're late!

The only thing I can figure is that I have finally started to love my life again!
I've been in limbo, with no real direction for so long,
and now, Life is Beginning!

First, I've started piano lessons!
For myself!
(I must clarify this to everyone I say this too, because they automatically assume that I've enrolled my children. Nope. I'm the one in lessons!)
I played piano from the age of 5 until about 13.
Then I gave up in lieu of guitar.
Of course, I wanted to be "That cool guitar chick".
I still play. Both.
But my piano is terribly rusty. (Oh, okay, so is my guitar playing.)
But now, I'm in LOVE!
Piano is awesome.

Second, I'm getting accredited to teach swimming lessons!
I spent all day at Goodna Aquatic Centre with Brad the instructor and 11 other soon-to-be swim teachers.
Back again tomorrow.
Two and a half hours in the pool today.
Talk about wrinkly hands and dry skin! *Note to self: invest in really good skin lotion!*
I couldn't stop smiling all day, and still can't stop!
I LOVE my life!
While other people are going back to work, study, or being a house wife,
I will be spending my days in the pool!
Such is the Brisbane lifestyle :)

Consequently, I'm eager to get fit!
I easily....
AHEM... not-so-easily
resisted the urge for fast food on the way home.
Then I resisted the urge for an unnecessary snack.
And even though I was starving come dinner time, I ate slowly and sensibly!
And stopped when I should.

I impress myself :)

Third, it's Spring!
I have been happily attending to my garden.
This is the year I change my gardening priorities.
Instead of 85% veg, 15% flowers,
This year it's 50/50.
Because while growing and eating veg brings nutrition and excitement,
my flowers bring me unmeasurable joy!

And lastly, I've found a new jogging partner!
My 10-year old son.
We did a 5km fun-run last year - a year ago tomorrow.
The annual Bridge to Brisbane is here, and I never even thought about it :(
I asked my son if he wants to start training for another 5k...
He's excited!

As of Monday we have a beginners schedule:

Monday morning.
Wednesday evening.
Saturday morning.

3 days, a simple-to-stick-to plan.
No excuses.

I am officially fighting for my health.

A Conveinent Truth, Ready to Fight

Another 2 months... Another 6 kg.
I've made it back to my all-time fat weight.
80KG.
That's 176 lbs.
My clothes don't fit.
My body is weak.
My fitness is poor.
It's ridiculous.

So why did I let myself get this way?
Convenience.
My sister had a mere 7 weeks left in Australia.
So I decided to let my health take a back seat...
Actually, I threw it out the bloody window!
We drank, ate, and watched TV.
But I really don't regret it, because the time I spent with my only sister was amazing.
We developed a bond that will never be broken.

But now she's gone. Back to the states.
And I'm ready to FIGHT!

At this weight, the most I can do is bloody walk.
How sad.
I'll get on the bike as well.
One day at a time.

Health IS worth fighting for!!!

Two months with no blogging.
And today, I feel like a different person.
So I'm starting a different blog.

This post documents my mental turn-around,
the realisation of the importance for my fight for a healthy life.

And this blog will document, from the beginning, my journey of a healthy/happy life as a stay-at-home-mum.

My History: (maybe you can relate?)
Over the years, (13 now) I've been living with a VERY strong desire (I would have said "dedication") to get to a healthy weight, but with absolutely no long-term follow-through.
Yes, there were months when I did lose weight,
(actually a whole year in 2008, I got within 8lbs of goal weight!)
and there were weeks, and days, when I did awesome!
But in between, through the binges, bad choices, and bad food that always found their way into my life,
I always felt the twinge of guilt.
So I'd jump "back on the wagon" in hopes to try again, get it right.
But in between, every single time, I'd gain it all back. 
And the desire of weight-loss never ever left my consciousness,
And it was driving me crazy!

Living life half-assed is just plain stupid.
Making half-assed efforts is just plain stupid.
It's a waste of time, effort, and (probably most importantly):
It ruined my emotional stability.


I finally got SICK AND TIRED of talking/thinking/planning/writing/blogging about losing weight,
but not actually freaking doing it!
I got to the point, where I had to make a decision.
I was slowly driving myself crazy on this yo-yo diet!


I was like, well, if I cannot overcome this, get my ass in gear, and actually live a weight-loss/healthy lifestyle, then WHY OH WHY am I beating myself up over it?!
Why not just accept the fact that I am happy eating fatty foods, whatever I want, with no restriction, no guilt.
I am happy with my weight as it is (15kg extra).
And I can never be truly happy unless I stop driving myself crazy with guilt about not trying to lose weight.

So I did the unthinkable.
Something I promised myself long ago that I'd never ever do.
In the name of sanity,
I gave up trying to lose weight.
Totally and completely GAVE UP!

And boy, today I know that I was totally wrong!

But without those 3 weeks (and 4kg gain) of indulgence,
in the end I don't think I could have made the right decision.

Now I realise and know without doubt that:
Health IS worth fighting for!!!


So what turned me around?
What led me to a complete re-start?

After the "indulgence" period last month,
I got to a point where I barely fit into anything!
I realised I was gaining mega weight, and nothing fit properly.
I was on the verge of having to go shopping, in the *gulp* "big" section!!!
THAT is NOT who I am.
THAT is NOT who I want to be.
I don't want to hate what I see in the mirror.
No amount of good food is worth that!!!

Right now, today, I have accepted myself, my whole self, including a truly completely healthy lifestyle.
I am an exerciser!
I make healthy food choices.
I eat limited amounts of food (ie portion control).
Sometimes I get hungry - and guess what -
THAT IS OKAY!
Being hungry is normal!
I don't have to freak out and feed myself.
I can wait a few hours... I'm not bloody starving!

And no, finishing off the entire dish of this sinfully delicious take-away food is NOT THAT IMPORTANT!
Save it for later, or if (heaven knows that I used to always worry about this!) my husband or kids finishes it off so I can't have leftovers for lunch the next day, I know that I can get more next week or two, or even tomorrow if I really really want!
But right now, I'm not bloody starving!
And if I eat any more, I'll just keep being fat.
And I don't want that.

And another point- I am WAY too busy to be worrying about cooking/eating/meal-planning all the time.
Food is for strength, not for building my whole dang life around!

So now, in short, I have found a true perspective on food.
Food is not going to make me happy, long-term.
It's not going to help me be WHO I want to be.

So there it is.

And here I am.

I last week I reached 78.9kg (that's 174lbs)
Today 78.0 (after one week of health, 172lbs)

And here on this blog, I will document how I'm doing, why I'm doing, and definitely some family tips.
After all, healthy living with three kids is never easy!!!
I'm here to help those of you mum's who realise that your health IS important.
It's worth fighting for!

I hope you enjoy the journey!
And I hope you get inspired to make the ultimate decision.
Fight for your health!!!